Newly Out Gay Man Overwhelmed By Fag Hag Applications

CONOR Dolan, a UCD student originally from Cork, has admitted he is in some difficulty following his decision to come out as a homosexual man.

“I’m just overwhelmed,” admitted the science student, “I think my family have known for a few years, but some of my newer friends, ones from college, well, they’ve just bombarded me with attention,” Conor said of the 74 females, previously unknown to him, who have all applied for the position of ‘fag hag’: a colloquial term given to the role of a gay man’s best female friend.

“And by bombarding me with attention I mean I’m almost sure I have never met the majority of them before in my life”.

Conor admitted he was shocked to discover that the Civil Partnership Bill 2010 also brought with it a little known law stipulating that all newly gay men are required to have a female fag hag with whom he does almost everything with.

“I’ve taken in plenty of CVs but as of now I’m making no decisions on who will be my legally appointed fag hag,” shared Conor.

The 20-year-old student did, however explain that applicants who began talking to him in an octave higher after discovering he was gay would not make it past the first phase of interviews.

“Look, I’ve nothing against fag hags really, but the idea that they just presume I want to help pick out the lingerie they will wear for their boyfriends or that I have the time to constantly tell them they’re ‘totes gorgeous’ or that ‘I can’t even’ is a bit insulting,” concluded Conor, who will announce the identity of his new fag hag by the end of the week or face a hefty fine and possible prison sentence.

A study carried out by WWN recently revealed that there are 24 fag hags for every gay male in Ireland, making it incredibly hard for many worthy fag hags to snag a gay best friend.