Bankers Warn New Salary Cap Will Only Attract Honest Personnel To The Business

THE Institute of Bankers in Ireland has today warned the government that a cap on bankers’ pay will only attract honest personnel to the business.

In a three hour emergency meeting with the group, chairman of the board Paul Gallagher cautioned Ireland about the introduction of honesty into the occupational role of banking, stating it would be the ‘beginning of the end’ of ordinary decent criminal banking in the country.

“Honesty doesn’t come into it.” he told a packed conference room in the Shelbourne Hotel.  “The whole idea of banking is to make as much money from your customers as possible. This has to be done quickly as they only have a limited life span from which we can work with.”

Mr. Gallagher launched a litany of allegations against the government over the proposed plans to cap bankers salaries at a measly €500,000.

“A half a mill wouldn’t put petrol in my yacht for a year. Just because the government is on terrible money doesn’t mean we have to be. ”

The chairman advised that government ministers should have taken up finance in college instead if they wanted a job that paid more money.

“This country is run by a small bunch of muck-savage ex-primary school teachers who thought they were so good in front of a classroom full of kids that they’d run for politics.

Well fuck them I say, if they want honest decent banking, they can have it. And all the deficits that go with it!”

Mr. Gallagher’s speech was greeted by a large standing ovation of tearful bankers and several ‘woop woops’ from the crowd.