HEAD OF FIFA Gianni Infantino has profusely apologised for suggesting that staging a World Cup every two years, instead of every fours years, could be the key to ending the horror of refugees drowning at sea and has pledged to provide them with some footballs. “We can probably only manage 20 footballs, we’re not made… Read more »
AFTER MUCH deliberation sporting authorities within the games of rugby union and football are coming round to the idea that athletes getting repeatedly hit in the head might not be a good thing, mere decades after they were first alerted to the problem. “We found ignoring the problem initially made it go away,” explained one… Read more »
SPEAKING with absolute authority on a man he had never heard of 72 hours ago, local Manchester United supporter Dave Hanelly can’t stop waxing lyrical about the genius of Ralf Rangnick, WWN can reveal. Confident he has learned Rangnick’s Wikipedia entry off by heart, Hanelly has scoffed at other United fans who confessed to not… Read more »
WITH the FAI Cup Final finishing 1-1 in extra time, longstanding rules in the Irish game meant St Patrick’s Athletic walked away the victors due to their fans winning the formal prematch brawl which met official requirements of ‘fists, flares and fucking eejits’. “It’s not how you want to win it, but they all count,”… Read more »
SPREADING out their arms and legs as much as possible to obscure the view of anyone who happens upon the scene, Qatari World Cup 2022 officials have stressed once again that there are zero human rights issues experienced by migrant workers after some minors reforms. Fresh from arresting and releasing two Norwegian journalists for ‘trespassing’,… Read more »
SENSATIONALLY silencing all critics of the Glazer era who think those running the club have all the football knowledge Sylvester Stallone in Escape to Victory, Ed Woodward has appointed former England manager Mike Bassett as interim manager at Manchester United. “Would a ‘calculator in a suit with shit for brains’ appoint a former England manager… Read more »
COMMENTING on Ireland’s 0-0 draw with Portugal, RTÉ panelist Liam Brady remained unconvinced by the performance and insisted there were only negatives to take from Stephen Kenny’s output when you take away all the positives. “Hang on Darragh I’d say the jury is very much still out on this whole taking pleasure from being alive… Read more »
EMERGING as the front runner to succeed Ole Gunnar Solskjaer at Manchester United, West Ham boss David Moyes continues to excite and delight with his team’s display, fresh from a 3-2 win over fellow title contenders Liverpool. “If he can get Aaron Cresswell playing like Roberto Carlos at West Ham, he can probably turn Aaron… Read more »
OLE GUNNAR Solskjaer is seriously fearing for his job now that the United board has confirmed that he ‘can do whatever he wants today’ including having his favourite ice cream, watching his favourite movie and any other things he loves doing. “You wanna go go-karting too Ole? Honestly mate, whatever you want let’s do it,”… Read more »
DESPITE ongoing rumours, Steve Bruce has been given assurances by Newcastle’s new owners that he will be given six games to save his head, as they confirmed this isn’t just something they say to people they’re going to execute to make sure they don’t run away. “Mohammed bin Salmon, who is not affiliated with the… Read more »