Tag: football

FIFA To Donate Footballs To Drowning Refugees

HEAD OF FIFA Gianni Infantino has profusely apologised for suggesting that staging a World Cup every two years, instead of every fours years, could be the key to ending the horror of refugees drowning at sea and has pledged to provide them with some footballs. “We can probably only manage 20 footballs, we’re not made… Read more »

“He’s The Godfather Of Gegenpressing” Says Man United Supporter Who Only Heard Of Rangnick 72 Hours Ago

SPEAKING with absolute authority on a man he had never heard of 72 hours ago, local Manchester United supporter Dave Hanelly can’t stop waxing lyrical about the genius of Ralf Rangnick, WWN can reveal. Confident he has learned Rangnick’s Wikipedia entry off by heart, Hanelly has scoffed at other United fans who confessed to not… Read more »

“We’ve Nothing To Hide” Confirms Qatar World Cup Officials Draping Covers Over Dead Construction Worker

SPREADING out their arms and legs as much as possible to obscure the view of anyone who happens upon the scene, Qatari World Cup 2022 officials have stressed once again that there are zero human rights issues experienced by migrant workers after some minors reforms. Fresh from arresting and releasing two Norwegian journalists for ‘trespassing’,… Read more »

Woodward Appoints Mike Bassett As Interim United Manager

SENSATIONALLY silencing all critics of the Glazer era who think those running the club have all the football knowledge Sylvester Stallone in Escape to Victory, Ed Woodward has appointed former England manager Mike Bassett as interim manager at Manchester United. “Would a ‘calculator in a suit with shit for brains’ appoint a former England manager… Read more »

“Today We’re Just Going To Do All Your Favourite Things” United Board Tell Worried Solskjaer

OLE GUNNAR Solskjaer is seriously fearing for his job now that the United board has confirmed that he ‘can do whatever he wants today’ including having his favourite ice cream, watching his favourite movie and any other things he loves doing. “You wanna go go-karting too Ole? Honestly mate, whatever you want let’s do it,”… Read more »