HALO wearing patron saint of Irish football John Delaney has suddenly resigned from the FAI with immediate effect in the surest sign yet that he has done nothing wrong, with no one finding the fact this has happened eight days ahead of the publication of a forensic audit report into the FAI suspicious at all…. Read more »
A MISSING PERSON’S alert has been issued for a 28-year-old man last seen purchasing the latest edition of the highly addictive FIFA football game series release earlier this week. Donal Canlinn told friends and family he was heading to GameStop to buy FIFA 20 on Wednesday, but his worried loved ones have not seen of… Read more »
THERE were jubilant scenes at Croke Park on Saturday evening following Dublin’s thrilling All-Ireland victory against ah who are we kidding, nobody gave a fuck then and nobody gives a fuck now. Claiming an historic fifth consecutive All-Ireland victory, the Dubs… actually, no, now that we read that first paragraph again, there weren’t any ‘jubilant… Read more »
WATERFORD schoolkid Brendan Biron is under orders to be on his best behaviour today, under threat of the gravest punishment of all; being forced to sit through a Republic Of Ireland Euro qualifier. Biron, 9, had been ‘acting the pup’ all day, until his father Jeremy and his mum Eileen told him in no uncertain terms… Read more »
ERASING from his memory the countless times he called Liverpool’s Super Cup match against Chelsea ‘a meaningless friendly’, Reds fan Eoin Healy has now enthusiastically confirmed it is actually yet another historic night for the club. “Always said this was a massive game for us,” confirmed Healy, who had prepared a ‘fuck it, it’s only… Read more »
THE LEAGUE that Sky Sports refers to as the best in the world because it lost its shirt buying the rights to is back with a bang this weekend. Hot on the heels of the transfer window closing, teams have spent big and expectations are high but just what will happen in the season ahead?… Read more »
FEARING for the safety of match referees and staff over questionable calls on the field, the Gaelic Athletics Association has launched an optional witness protection program which will relocate referee’s abroad, WWN can confirm. The new measure launched shortly after the weekend’s All Ireland hurling semi-final, where the referees, linesmen and umpires came under fire for… Read more »
FINALLY running out of patience, Real Madrid manager Zinedine Zidane has been left with no other option in his quest to push Gareth Bale from the club than to hit him over the head with a shovel, bundle him in the boot of his car and drive out to the nearest desert. “Don’t worry I… Read more »
“YEAH, I had so much fun too. Let’s keep in touch. You’re number? No, I’ve totally got it already somehwere. Mine? It’s like 017-something, there’s like a 5 or 2 in there as well. Oh shit, is that the time? I gotta go!” Waving a fond farewell at a Paris airport, the sports media made… Read more »
PEOPLE have been sharing their first hand accounts of joyously watching England lose to the USA in last night’s World Cup semi-final, providing concrete proof that when it comes to deriving joy from English football failure – the game has reached unparalleled levels of equality. “I thought maybe since the women’s game gets fuck all… Read more »