SPREADING out their arms and legs as much as possible to obscure the view of anyone who happens upon the scene, Qatari World Cup 2022 officials have stressed once again that there are zero human rights issues experienced by migrant workers after some minors reforms.
Fresh from arresting and releasing two Norwegian journalists for ‘trespassing’, Qatari officials were keen to highlight the official version of what workers lives are like in the country, describing it as a cross between Sex and the City and Friends.
“That? Oh it’s just a decorative cloth we keep our footballs under and before you ask, no, you can’t see them,” said World Cup official Hassan Al Thawadi, “anyway what was I saying? Oh yeah the workers, they’re like the Friends of ‘Friends’ they have so much spare time, they just hang around in nice big apartments all day. It’s like ‘do they even have a job’? Haha”.
“No, this other cloth is where we keep the cones and bibs for training,” added the official before parachuting in an emergency supply of famous ex-footballers to act as ambassadors for cover ups.
“We wholeheartedly deny that David has been paid €130mn to endorse the Qatar regime, he sold out his morals and soul for significantly less than that,” confirmed a spokesperson for David Beckham, in Qatar to speak highly of the quality of Qatari sheets, which absolutely aren’t covering over any bodies at this moment in time.
Qatari authorities then arrested several more journalists for damaging ‘private property’ after they checked the pulse of a Nepalese construction worker who had died of heatstroke.
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