Local Man Can’t Thank Covid Enough For Cancelling Office Christmas Party

WATERFORD man Dave McCafferty is struggling to put his joy and thankfulness into words after a rise in Covid-19 cases has led to the cancellation of the craic-vortex otherwise known as the Morton, Hendricks & Cassidy’s Xmas party.

“Fucking yes, get in!” screamed McCafferty after he learned of the deteriorating picture in most Irish hospitals which, coupled with his manager Cormac Hillard being hospitalised with the virus, has led senior management to put the kibosh on the big company bash.

“Mwah, mwah, mwah,” McCafferty said, pretending to kiss and hug Covid-19 for saving him from having the ear talked off him by Carmel in HR who starts going on about her husband’s impotence after a few, Richie in logistics who does a good impression of Tyson Fury once on the spirits and whatever junior sales lad was going to get caught doing coke in toilets this year.

“Usually the dream is the sneaky Irish goodbye at 9pm before everyone turns into boozed up cave people try to construct a dramatic reenactment of the Red Wedding and Pornhub at the same time but to have this teeth pulling torture and mania cancelled two years in a row… I think I love Covid,” an ecstatic McCafferty said.

“What about the boss in hospital? Well, that’s one less headache for HR, he’s Waterfod’s answer to Weinstein. This is like winning the lotto for HR too,” added McCafferty.

Elsewhere, Clare and Darragh on the company events committee are said to be ‘inconsolable’ now that whatever ‘hilarious games’ involving penis straws have been scuppered.