Fine Gael To Explore Putting Asylum Seekers Through New York Portal Installation

AS PART OF their latest attempt to prove they’re the ‘party of law and order’ after a brief sabbatical from the title for a decade plus, Fine Gael have today led a coalition government operation to clear asylum seekers from the Grand Canal.

“I’m no expert on physics but it’s worth a try,” explained housing, health and governance inexpert Taoiseach Simon Harris of his new plan to see if it’s possible to put international protection applicants through a new art installation, a ‘virtual portal’ to New York.

A call out was made to all budding mad scientists, preferably someone with a heavy German accent and untameable hair, in a bid to get this next plan off the ground. Before the portal is tested Fine Gael have confirmed a number of lucrative tenders will be announced which will allow consultancy firms to make some money.

“And hey if this works, we can send people on trolleys in A&E through next, we ask New York for a few apartments. Boom, every crisis of our own making solved,” continued Harris, as Dublin City Council destroyed asylum seekers tents which will be needed again tomorrow.

Meanwhile, the CEO of one company supplying charities and the government with tents, both large and small, has appealed for help with counting their money.