Ask Anne: “My Wife Is Giving Me Hassle Over Spending Valentine’s Day With My Mistress”

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OUR RESIDENT advice columnist Anne Trope helps readers with their dilemmas.

Dear Anne,

I am being majorly guilted by my wife, who won’t stop giving out about the fact I’m choosing to spend Valentine’s Day with my mistress.

The fact she has only discovered evidence of my affair this morning if irrelevant. No matter how many times I explained that it was really hard to get a reservation for the restaurant and that I’d be charged for cancelling the flights, hotel and spa in Paris at such short notice, she just wouldn’t listen.

I tried to reason with her as bleated on about me ‘throwing away 17 years of marriage’ but if I stayed any later to argue I would have missed my flight.

The volley of uncalled for abuse continued via her WhatsApp voice notes. I said ‘Honey, you wouldn’t enjoy anyway, there’s a lot of walking involved in getting to the top of Eiffel Tower’ but do you think she’d admit she overreacted?

I tried to calmly point out that I wasn’t bringing her because there was more chance of a dodo shitting on my head than her giving me Valentine’s Day head. Whereas, my mistress…

Anne, how can I get my wife to see how unreasonable she’s being? She’s acting like I didn’t get her a card from the Eurogiant!

I can tell by the contents of your letter that you had clearly been planning and looking forward to this romantic excursion for some time, and now potentially it has been soured. Soured by someone who is only thinking of themselves. Perhaps your wife could see how much joy and satisfaction you’re getting from this trip if you filmed and photographed your time in Paris.

Upon returning, after showing her footage of your vigorous love making, laughter during romantic walks through the city’s streets, how much you and your mistress enjoyed the cuisine, it will dawn on her that she was selfishly standing in the way of you, her dear husband, getting to let off a bit of steam.

If that doesn’t work, I’m afraid you might have to face facts; your wife is a bit of an unthinking and self-centred bitch.

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