Disappointed Bono Receives 40th Pair Of Blue-Tinted Wraparound Shades For Xmas


“ANOTHER FUCKING PAIR” U2 singer Bono said, cursing the heavens as he opened his 40th pair of blue-tinted wraparound shades in the post, gifted to him by close friends and acquaintances in the run up to Christmas.

This pair, gifted by Bill Gates and made from left over metal from 5G towers and adrenochrome, may well be worth over a million euro but the gift has plunged the Dubliner into a spiral of angst.

“The Edge got me the exact same pair he got me the last five years. Like, is that all he thinks of when he think of me? Have our years of friendship not gone any deeper? Or is it as opaque as these shades?” an upset Bono said, more frustrated because of all the hints he’s been dropping this year.

“I couldn’t have been more explicit, an Atomic City, I wanted an Atomic fecking City, put it in a bloody song and everything,” added Bono, who knows each to their own and everything but when someone explicitly states they want a particular gift just get it for them.

To go 4 decades as a prominent figure in the public eye and for his closest confidants to only recall the fact he’s ‘the shades guy’ is certainly a blow to the ego.

“Bruce buddy, what about a book of poetry, or a scarf? Think outside the box these shades you got me came in,” Bono shouted down the phone to Bruce Springsteen as he drowned in identical-looking Oakley packages.