“Four Days Is Plenty Of Time To Bury 6,000 Kids” Insists Kindhearted Netanyahu


SIMULTANEOUSLY auditioning for the roles of the next Bond villain, Voldemort, Emperor Palpatine and Hannibal Lecter, Benjamin Netanyahu has surprised himself with his latest act of generosity.

“Obviously my focus is on the return of 50 Israeli hostages but for Palestinians they will have a brief window of time to properly bury their Hamas fighters, or as others incorrectly call them, ‘children, doctors, aid workers, journalists’,” explained Netanyahu, wondering if it was a bit ‘much’ to nominate himself for a Nobel Peace Prize now.

“I’m only an expert on indiscriminate killing, not the burying or mourning part but surely it doesn’t take long to plan and hold 6,000 funerals for children?” Netanyahu queried before going back to planning the next round of war crimes to green light once the truce, expected to start tomorrow, was over.

Asked how he managed to mastermind negotiations that saw him hold out for weeks on the truce only to agree to an unchanged deal which was first proposed 18 days ago, Netanyahu responded:

“I guess I’m just a strategic genius, you’re welcome Israelis!” said Netanyahu out his office window to the families of Israeli hostages who have been protesting his failures for weeks.

“I did it everybody! Young voters can stop being mad at me now, I secured a ceasefire,” cheered Joe Biden of the deal secured by Qatar which was actually a humanitarian pause not a ceasefire.

“We once again must commend Benjamin on his immense kindness and humility,” shared EU leaders in a joint statement, “honestly we wonder if 4 days is too much time to provide water, food, medicines, care and shelter to 1.7 million displaced Gazans”.

Elsewhere, the Israeli government praised international media for consistently referring to freed Israelis as ‘hostages’ and Palestinian women and children freed from Israeli jails as part of the truce as ‘prisoners’ in their reports.