Biggest Regret Of Woman’s Life Remains Agreeing To Join School Parents Whatsapp

“I ONCE put a winning lotto ticket through the washing machine and I shit you not, I’ve bigger regrets about joining this fecking group,” explains Roseanne Fogerty, recent addition to the ‘first class parents St Bina Of The Haunted Hoover National School’ WhatsApp group.

“What happened to just throwing your kids into school in the morning and not giving it much thought? Presents, projects, pick ups, the most mind numbingly boring thoughts and suggestions. It never fecking stops,” admitted a frazzled Fogerty, who can’t be arsed pretending she’s a passionate parent who puts endless thought into the small aspects of her children’s schooling.

Our interview with Fogerty was then interrupted by several pings from her WhatsApp, with one message reading ‘Mrs Carroll’s new haircut, oh she looks fab, didn’t think she’d pull off the blond look’.

Far from idle chit-chat about teacher’s appearance (there’s usually separate WhatsApp group for that) the group Fogerty was guilted into joining spends most of its time chronicling the slow expansion of the wet patch on the classroom ceiling, and between 12 and 80 charity bake sales.

“There’s less debate on the UN Security Council than there is in this yoke. Do I regret the knife fight in a dark alleyway in Mexico City when I was backpacking in my college years? Yes. Defrauding those investors, a good thing? No. Setting up a cement quarry and selling mica affected blocks is not my proudest moment either. But I regret joining this godforsaken group more than I do agreeing to spy for the Russians,” concluded Fogerty.

Just as Fogerty thought she was free of the WhatsApp group debating what the end-of-term gift limit for Mrs Caroll should be, it sparked up with that show-off Teresa Carthy suggesting eighty-fucking-euro.