“You’ve Only 3 Paid Sick Days Left” God Casually Points Out In Email To Pope

FLAGGING the fact that the Pope has already taken several sick days already this year, God casually outlined his remaining number of paid days for 2023 via email, WWN has learned.

“Listen, I’m not giving out here or anything, and I know you’ve been doing great work when you’re actually in office, but you’ve only 3 more paid sick days left before you have to apply to the social welfare for sick payments,” God the almighty father wrote, trying his very best not to sound like he’s getting onto the Pope, “we all get sick from time-to-time and your age is obviously a factor here, but this is just a friendly message to let you know where you stand legally in the terms stipulated in your contract”.

The slightly poorly timed but essential email comes after news Pope Francis will be hospitalised for several days for treatment of a pulmonary infection after having trouble breathing in recent days.

“Please don’t take this as a reflection on your work, but if it’s a case you’re going to be sick a lot more now that you’re getting older, you might want to reconsider your current position as head of the Vatican as I’m sure you wouldn’t feel right about leaving no one at the wheel in such perilous times,” God added, his email sounding more official as he typed, before adding in some humanity to lessen the sting a bit, “if it was a case you had to step down, we would of course still be best friends and my golden gates will always remain open for you no matter how this whole being constantly sick thing plays out – even your predecessor made it through, so no worries there, pal.

“I’m sure you will make the right decision going forward and I look forward to hearing from you very very soon, whether it’s back in the office or otherwise.

Get well soon.

Yours sincerely,

G

PS. I’m still waiting on sick certs from the last couple of days if you can mail them onto HR for our records.”