“Thank Fuck This Is The Last Time I Have To Talk To Boggers”
OUTGOING Late Late Show host Ryan Tubridy has confided to his closest friends that he won’t miss the annual country music edition of the talk show, with tonight’s episode being one of the last times he’ll ever be in close contact with a redneck or a culchie.
Tubridy has demanded new clothing for the night as he doesn’t want to spoil any of his nice suits sitting on a hay bale for three hours, and is said to be mentally preparing himself for a night of second-hand mortification and the dreaded arse sweats.
“This, and the Valentine’s Day thing with all the sadsacks and incels on it, those were an annual hardship for Ryan,” said a source close to the RTÉ star.
“But he accepted that it was part of the job. You spend 80% of the show schedule talking to movie stars, singers and visiting dignitaries, interesting personalities and survivors of illness and trauma, and then the other 20% watching boggers traipse muck all over the floor of studio 1”.
On the schedule for tonight’s show are country and western legends Barry & Clontarf, Esther Wheeler, Finnegan Finnucane, Seamus Texas, Fergal Wisconsin, Darbo, The East Westmeath North & South Association, Bang Bang and the Tortoise Three, and Christine Protestant.
“Who the fuck are the half of these inbred hicks?” Tubridy was heard to mutter while looking at the rundown this morning.