Phrase ‘Unvetted Males’ Makes Stunning First Appearance In Family Dinner Conversation


SUCKING the entire supply of oxygen out of the room, the phrase ‘unvetted males’ has been uttered for the first time in the Gleneen house courtesy of father and Gleneen patriarch, Fergal.

Despite siblings Catriona, Cian and Siobhan suspecting it was only a matter of time before the right-wing shorthand for ‘I’m xenophobic’ made its debut, the sound of the words still came as a shock, putting everyone off their food.

“Didn’t we have a good run, all things considered,” said Catriona to her siblings, who were now conducting a separate, side-conversation to their father, who took not being directly challenged as a sign to expand his thoughts.

“You’d have an easier time getting a house, Siobhan, were it not for all them lot,” reasoned the father-of-three, who had no idea the concept of unvetted males was such a perilous thing until he watched a video on Facebook of an Irish man with multiple convictions shout at refugee for 20 minutes straight.

Looking at one another and waiting for one sibling to take on the challenge of explaining that refugees and asylum seekers are actually real human beings and not 12 foot tall red-eyed monsters frothing at the mouth, one sibling finally wilted.

“I’d have an easier time getting a house if you didn’t vote Fianna Fáil through the Tiger years before switching to Fine Gael for the austerity years,” said Siobhan, resigning herself to the fact that this conference was going to take up the next two hours.

“They’re military aged, unvetted and male and male and unvetted, everywhere, aged militarily,” continued Fergal raising his eyebrows suggestively and making complete sense to himself.

The conversation came to a head when Cian pointed out that his father is technically ‘unvetted’ as he still hasn’t got Garda clearance despite working as a coach at underage level at the local GAA club.

UPDATE: Fergal has got a second wind after Leo Varadkar has been heard saying anti-immigrant protesters are ‘very bold’ before the Taoiseach just repeated some of the far-right’s stock disinformation and myths.