Zelensky Relieved To See Fighter Jets In Stock At France Duty Free


FOLLOWING A whistlestop tour of Britain, France and Brussels as he thanked nations for their support of Ukraine, President Volodymyr Zelensky cut a relieved figure in Charles De Galle airport after spotting French fighter jets on sale in duty free.

“No sir, I’m afraid your card was declined, it says here ‘requires signature of Macron first’,” said one duty free worker as Zelensky attempted to enhance his nation’s capabilities against the continuing barbaric onslaught against Ukraine by Russian forces.

Relief soon turned to disappointment as Zelensky confirmed the same thing happened to him in Heathrow airport earlier this week where staff said that despite being in the window they were ‘display models only’.

The embattled Ukrainian leader was later seen by security trying to stuff a number of jets under his shirt.

“Yes, they’re available in duty free and you said you want them and we said we’re open to that but just not right now, maybe if something bad were to happen like let’s say an invasion by foreign forces that are committing war crimes daily,” offered Macron over the airport intercom as Zelensky was walked to the departure gates.

Elsewhere, a teary-eyed Vladimir Putin sobbed ‘that used to be me’ under his breath as he saw pictures of Emmanuel Macron warmly embracing Zelensky in Paris.

Putin also went on to confirmed there will be 200,000 and counting Russian soldiers who won’t make it to the first anniversary celebration of the invasion of Ukraine, although he wouldn’t be drawn on the reasons why.