Words To Use When You’re Lodging Your Objection To Houses For Dole Merchants In Your Area

ARE YOU paying the mortgage on a house you hope triples in value, so you become a paper millionaire but now some developer has gone and ruined it by attempting to build social and affordable housing nearby?

There’s only one thing for it and that’s to fire up the residents WhatsApp, call on your solicitor neighbours to draft an objection which doesn’t directly spell out how much you hate the heroin addicted dole merchants that will surely buy up these units which are retailing at a mere €450,000.

But what happens if you don’t have a solicitor to call on and this is your first objection rodeo? Simple, just pepper your objection with some of these fool proof phrases which will win over local planning officials:

‘Severely denuded’

No someone isn’t strolling around in the nip, denuded is fancy middle-class objection talk for ‘these working-class types will ruin the area’.

‘Visual impact’

Yes, dole claimants are ugly and a penance to look at but you’re more implying that seeing new buildings of any kind can basically cause cancer of the eyes.

‘Lack of amenities’

Code for ‘we’ll need a methadone clinic here in 5 years if you let these reprobates in’.

‘Accent’

This new development would impact on the light shone on Ireland’s 47th oldest surviving mid-height ash tree planted between the years 1986-1992 in an urban area with populations greater than 10,000 people, and we can’t destroy our ancient heritage like that.

‘Tenor of the area’

To build apartments would destroy the unique architectural heritage of the area which consists of Celtic Tiger era kitchen extensions which all have undetected mica.

‘High Rise’

Try build anything over one storey and prepare for a sit-in yoga protest by dozens of irate mothers in Lululemon.