Everything You Need To Know About Liz Truss


WITH 82,000 Tory voters choosing Liz Truss as their preferred candidate for punishing the poor, the 47-year-old Englishwoman is all but confirmed as the UK’s next prime minister.

Here’s everything you need to know about Liz Truss:

Is Britain’s third successive female leader to prove it’s not only the men that can be detached sociopaths who pride themselves on telling impoverished people that actually, everything is just fine.

Is ideologically opposed to handouts that don’t go directly to her in the form of MP expenses.

Solutions to rising energy bills in a harsh winter have included stockpiling frozen pensioners and burning them in a fire for warmth.

Worked for Shell, and thinks building more wind turbines to offset reliance on foreign fossil fuels is worse than murder, so the climate is in safe hands.

Not a fan of the European Court of Human Rights, so if any Britons are planning on being the victim of a grave injustice such as killing by police, war crimes, extra-judicial deportations or human trafficking – now’s the time to do it while you’re still protected by the law.

Has said she will do everything in her power to alleviate the burden of the cost of living crisis on millionaire Tory donors.

Has already blamed Jeremy Corbyn for the awkward pauses in her acceptance speech.

Dimmer than a blackout in a cave, is repeatedly shocked when the monster in Scooby Doo turns out in fact to be a person in a mask and costume.

“I don’t know but I promise to look it up” – when asked what Liz was short for.

Is a #GirlBoss in the sense that she is as effective at running things as an actual child.

Can’t wait to get the truncheons and police brutality out to deal with striking workers just like her idol Margaret Thatcher.

Is just the latest in a long line of prime ministers to prove just because you went to Oxford doesn’t mean you’re smart.

While not basing this on actual research, WWN can confirm Truss was never invited on a single sleepover by friends in her youth and it shows.

Replacing a conniving self-serving serial liar Truss, who was once anti-Brexit, anti-monarchy and a member of the Liberal Democrats, will assure continuity in leadership by talking out of bother sides of their mouth is maintained.

Her stilted, excruciating attempts at speaking public will put the NHS under immense pressure as the number of people dying from cringing will skyrocket.

With energy prices higher than a lockdown party at No.10, Truss has vowed to double down on efforts to explain why it’s a good thing billionaires are getting richer while your energy bill is £2000.