“I Think That Went Rather Well” Says Johnson In Final Speech As PM

AIDES to departing British prime minister Boris Johnson had ‘no notes’ for him about his hugely successful and scandal free time in office, nodding in agreement with his final speech in office which concluded with the word ‘that went rather well’.

“Good question, but no, no I don’ think so,” said Johnson in response to a journalist asking if he could recall any moments during his tenure where he felt he mightn’t have been completely smashing this leading Britain thing out of the park.

Johnson went on to admit he was slightly hurt none of the 205,000 people who died from Covid turned up to see his farewell speech.

“Most proud of? Oh, all of it really. I mean look at the absolute state of the place, that was all me. You been swimming during summer? Yeah, pumping shit into those waters, that was my idea – it’s quite the legacy,” added Johnson, of the ridiculously high bar he has set for Liz Truss when it comes to fucking up.

Post-speech, Johnson made it abundantly clear to Truss that if she were to find any rich Russian donors or lucrative Covid contracts under the cushions in the No.10 flat, they are his, and should be sent to his new address immediately.

Trying to assure a swift handover for the role of chief clown, Johnson showed Truss around No.10 careful to make her aware of all the banana peels that were perfect for slipping on before crashing into the neverending supply of custard pies at the building.