US Senators Announce Clamp Down On Use Of Finger Guns

MEMBERS of both sides of the political divide in America have finally come together to work on ridding the country of the scourge of the two-finger ‘bang-bang’ hand gesture that had become rampant in the nation.

The controversial salute had been responsible for outbreaks of utter cringe in offices, schools, bars and public spaces for many years, with maladjusted white males being the most common culprits in mass finger-gun shootings.

Noting that Americans use finger-guns more than any other nation on Earth, US lawmakers have defied the powerful finger-gun lobby and announced a fresh new day for the USA.

“Only in America can a man walk into an office, make a presentation and then give the entire board the ol’ wink ‘n gun. You don’t see that in Europe, you don’t see that in Asia. It’s time for change,” read a source close to the senate today.

“It’s like the mass-shootings that we do with actual guns, except instead of carnage it’s cringe. The rest of the world looks at us and they cringe – they think we’re just so freakin’ lame. Well that stops today. These are small steps, far from everything that we need to do to stop being such lame-ohs, but it’s a start that many of us never thought we’d see. As for actual guns? Not what we’d call a ‘right now’ problem”.

Meanwhile the news hasn’t gone down well with finger-gun enthusiasts, who claim their right to make asses of themselves is enshrined in the constitution.

“Biden ain’t gettin’ these two,” said one Arkansas dad, giving us the ol’ click-click from his porch.