IKEA Sign Deal To Supply Flat Pack Missiles To NATO


WITH NATO membership feeling like a formality, Sweden are already reaping the benefits of joining the organisation as home furnishing heroes IKEA have bagged a lucrative defence contract, WWN can reveal.

“Teething issues are to be expected we’ve never done flat pack surface to air missiles or an iron dome before,” confirmed head of design at IKEA Josefine Kullberg, unveiling the allen key assembled wooden prototype Bikbööm.

“We told NATO they can come into stores to order a made to measure kitchen for the interiors of tanks or naval ships, but they’ve been put off by the queues,” added Kullberg, “like we said we’re new at this but a bedside lamp could come in really handy when night vision goggles stop working?”

Russia’s war in Ukraine has paved the way for nations with a long standing tradition of neutrality to reconsider their security options, but the transition to NATO will not be without its hiccups.

“Look at the instructions again! Step 30! I don’t fucking care if a screw is missing and the wheel is wobbly we have to get this rocket launcher finished and out to Ukraine,” confirmed a frustrated arms assembly worker holding an IKEA manual upside down.

Despite the vast majority of the 30-member nations of NATO welcoming Sweden and Finland’s candidacy, Turkey has been the lone nation expressing their reservations.

“They’re just playing hardball and hoping to get a major discount on the Swedish meatballs, which I respect as it is the smart geopolitical move,” shared NATO Secretary-General Jens Stoltenberg.