“Our Livelihoods Are On The Line Here” Kinahan Dealers Fear Job Losses

A UNION of drug dealers are expected to stage a sit-in today in protest of unprecedented job losses across the Kinahan Cartel network after it was announced that international action will be taken against the crime group in the form of US sanctions.

Calling for more clarity around their futures, local gang leaders voiced their concerns, stating that their livelihoods were on the line and that the cartel’s HR department hasn’t even bothered to address the recent sanctions.

“You’d expect an email or at least a text to one of the burners, but nah, nothin’ from anyone,” one worried Kinahan area manager told WWN, “the only contracts we have are the ones on our heads from rival gangs, and the CEO and other board of directors are nowhere to be seen – it’s very unprofessional”.

With large families to feed, money still left to launder and stock issues on the cards, many employees now fear they won’t even receive a redundancy package from their employer and have begun protesting outside drug dens across Dublin.

“All we’re looking for is a severance package,” said 20-year-old protester and drug dealer James Horan outside a stash house this morning as smoked a rollie while continually spiting on the ground for no reason, “I’ve spent most of my teens working hard on my bike dropping off packages here and there and for what? If I had known this is the way I would have been treated I would never have… actually no, that’s bollocks… I probably would, but still – it’s bad form from Christy and the lads”.

In an internal email sent late last night from a Dubai based satellite phone, a cartel spokesman wrote: “We understand there may be some concerns relating to recent events centred around ongoing sanctions against Kinahan Inc. We are working close with our international partners in resolving this issue so rest assured; as long as drug prohibition is in place, no one will ever lose their jobs in this business”.