Fancy Soap In Bathroom Too Fancy To Actually Use


A LOCALLY sourced and handmade soap with a blend of lavender, seaweed and lemongrass continues to secure pride of place in the Moore family’s bathroom, where it remains untouched due to its immensely fancy nature, WWN can reveal.

“Mam’s told us if we use it she’ll cut our hands off,” said youngest Moore child Eoin, speaking of the magical soap so fragrant and amazing at cleaning hands it can never actually be used.

Moore matriarch Laura picked the fancy soap up at a fancy market from a fancy woman who explained at length how fancy the soap was thus justifying the €18 price tag for what Laura’s husband Martin described as ‘just a fucking soap’.

“Sometimes I see Laura going into the toilet to stare at it and give it a sniff,” explains a perplexed Martin, “it’s still in it’s fancy packaging. I genuinely think if she caught me washing my hands with it she’d start divorce proceedings”.

When WWN pressed Laura on allegations of the fancy soap being too fancy to use, we were told such claims were nonsense but our requests to have a look at the soap were rejected.

“And what, let you hold it? With the big dirty hands on you, covering it in dirt? I don’t think so,” Laura said ushering us out the door.

UPDATE: Laura later clarified that the soap is ‘for guests only’ but other eyewitnesses claim the soap is often moved to the secret location when the Moores have company.