Cost Of Energy Rising Sharply Due To Ukraine, Covid, Brexit, Suez Canal, Climate Change, Underwhelming Game Of Thrones Finale, Everything Really


PEOPLE complaining about the soaring costs of gas and electricity have been described as ‘selfish’, as the hikes are down to the Ukraine-Russia war and there are people ‘much worse off than you right now’.

“Shame on you all, you’re giving out about a measly 33% hike in gas prices when there’s families in Ukraine that have lost everything,” barked one angry CEO who can’t even enjoy the fact his company turned a €700mn profit last year because he’s so sick with worry about the war.

“Do you not think that if it wasn’t for this war, we would be doing everything we could to make sure you’re all enjoying the cheapest gas and electricity in decades? Do you think we like driving prices higher despite the markets leveling off and in some cases falling? Do you think these bonuses we’re reaping are fun? Shame on everyone of you!”

Although many families agree that the war is a desperate thing and measures must be taken to mitigate the consequences on innocent civilians, many have pointed out that prices have been steadily rising for the last ten years, before Ukraine was even a glint in Putin’s eye.

“Ah yeah but like, it all goes back to how the supply was interrupted while everyone argued about how shite the end of Game Of Thrones was,” stammered our CEO.

“And after that you had Brexit, sure who knew what they were doing. Plus the boat got stuck in the Suez canal, that was carrying enough free gas to put prices back to 1998 levels, so don’t blame us for that. And eh… oh yeah! Covid! Almost forgot Covid. You can’t have cheap prices when there’s Covid, come on now”.

He closed by saying that disgruntled customers were welcome to shop around for cheaper prices, if they could find an energy provider that isn’t a shower of gouging bastards.