Zelenskyy Never Happy


UKRAINIAN president Volodymyr Zelenskyy has stated that Ireland could be doing more to help in his country’s fight against the invading Russian forces, in what amounts to absolute, irrefutable proof that no matter what you do, some people are never happy.

Zelenskyy made the statements during an emotionally-fraught address to EU leaders at an emergency summit yesterday, triggering the standard Irish response of immediately turning on anyone who, regardless of circumstance, criticises us in the slightest.

“Alright Zelenskyy, we appreciate you’re not having the best few weeks but don’t lash out at us, alright?” stated an irate spokesperson for the nation of Ireland this morning.

“Jesus, you’re acting like we’re not shining blue-and-yellow lights on our buildings, or donating all our old tat to charity to help your lot out.

“Listen, we’re even fast-tracking your people through our refugee systems without keeping them in Direct Provision for years on end, so give us a break okay? We’re sorry we can’t donate any warplanes or Iron Dome defence systems, and we’re sorry that the odd billion euro or two of Russian money gets flushed through our financial institutes. Bono even wrote a poem so ease up, dickhead”.

Meanwhile the rest of Europe has pledged near unwavering support to Zelenskyy, except imposing sanctions on Russia that would negatively effect their own citizens too much.

“You know how it is with voters, Volodymyr, they don’t like it when our actions hit them in the pocket,” the Ukrainian president was told, as his own voter base continued to be hit by Russian artillery.