Signs William & Kate’s Tour Of The Caribbean Not Going Well

IT WAS meant to be a a jolly imperial jamboree which involved William and Kate simply pointing at everything and saying ‘mine, mine, mine’ like they were a pair of seagulls in Finding Nemo. However, the royal couple’s tour of the Caribbean is being met with some hostility and resentment.

Even the most avid royals fan can’t deny that the number of regrettable incidents are pilling up, and have so far included:

“Redemption Song is over rated” – William, on a visit to Trench Town in Jamaica.

“In-de-pen-dence? Is that Jamaican patois? That’s a new one on me I must confess. It means what?!” Prince William said in response to Jamaican Prime Minister Andrew Holness’s push to remove the Queen as official head of state.

“Let me just walk up to these Jamaican children behind a fence so I can go up and wave to them, this will make a really good photo which is in no a massive failure in optics,” – Kate before walking up to black children being restricted from interacting with her by a chain link fence.

“Oh, first the Belize, now you lot” – William’s reaction when asked to not to act superior to his colonial subjects.

“Reparations? No the crown already paid them. Paid to the slave owners, remember? British tax payers only finished paying for that a few years ago, yeah it was about €10bn in today’s terms. Yeah we paid the slave owners, really we did,” William addressing protests by Jamaicans calling for reparations.

“You say tomato, I say tomato, you say how hard is it to issue an official apology for slavery, I say ‘eh, it shouldn’t have happened’,” – William, the modernising face of the British royal family.

“300,000 enslaved in Jamaica, was that all?” – Kate expressing surprise at how overblown all this slavery outrage is.

“You’re paid Markle stooges, aren’t you? She’s put you up to this, hasn’t she?” – an increasingly paranoid William addressing protesters.