3-Year-Old Has Already Lived Through Enough History Thanks


EXHAUSTED and unable to deal with the stress of switching on TV or catching a glimpse of a news app push notification on her mother’s phone she’s using to watch Youtube videos, 3-year-old Jess Mannigan has pleaded with those currently creating history to please ‘cut it out’.

“Honestly, that’s my limit. I don’t know if this was going on before I was born but it’s…A LOT. Do you guys ever take a day off,” asked Mannigan pleading directly with everyone from the Taliban, Saudi Arabia, Putin and the people who advise Kanye West on his Instagram updates.

With her 36 months on this planet largely dominated by wars, climate change, a pandemic, ongoing Brexit nonsense and Jason Momoa and Lisa Bonet breaking up before getting back together again, Mannigan has asked the unceasing accumulation of era-defining historical events to ease off a bit as she’s just trying to play with some Duplo here.

“Eighteen episodes of Paw Patrol in a row is my only break from this shit. I barely get any joy out of drawing on the walls with crayons anymore. If this is life, book me a one-way ticket back into the womb,” added a tired Mannigan, and it’s not even nap time yet.

“And hey, if it’s taking a toll on me I can only imagine what my fellow 3-year-old’s in Yemen must be feeling,” concluded the Waterford based tyke before sighing wearily after another Russian diplomat mentioned how Russia wouldn’t hesitate to use nuclear weapons.

Elsewhere, there was little sign from today’s evil doers that they intended on pledging to stop creating the sort of human misery that will end up as a particularly sobering question on history tests years from now.