“My 6 Months Of Hell In Portugal On Holidays After Covid Breaches”

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MANDELA’S long walk to freedom, the Guildford Four’s convictions being quashed and now Phil Hogan being cleared by Phil Hogan on the pages of Irish newspapers to explain how hard done by he was. These are the great injustices of our times, of that there can be no doubt.

To reach back down into the throat of history and rummage around in its bowels and you find Jesus on the cross, but even Jesus would agree Big Phil’s suffering is immense by comparison.

But unlike Mandela, Gerry Conlon and Jesus, Big Phil hasn’t walked free yet. He is still trapped in the prison of public opinion and what hurts worse than nails hammered into human flesh? Correct – mean words on the internet.

Speaking to WWN Big Phil told us that things got so bad after he constantly changed the record on his various comings and goings, was caught with mobile phone in hand while driving and attended the infamous Golfgate* he had no choice but to flee to Portugal for 6 months.

“It was hell,” Big Phil said, surviving on nothing but luxury accommodation, food and good weather.

“Have you ever tried to enjoy the prawns in Vila Joya Sea when you’re feeling down? It’s impossible. And gate reminded me of the whole sordid affair, not to mention the 80 rounds I played during my exile in the Algarve”.

It’s a pain few of us will ever know. However, it would take a heart of stone not to feel sympathy.

“This is something every normal person can do when the chips are down, it’s very common for the average Irish person to punish themselves with six months in a lovely setting when they monumentally fuck up,” explained one consequences of one’s actions expert.

Sources close to Big Phil went further stating ‘him voluntarily resigning from his position after a less than transparent account of his movements, his ignoring of isolation rules and local lockdowns all adds up to me thinking Phil should sue the EU for forcing him to do all that’.

Legal experts agree, Hogan has a case.

“If Phil can just get in touch with Phil Hogan and start civil proceedings against Phil Hogan for getting Phil Hogan into this mess he’s going to clean up in court,” one legal eagle told WWN.

“I was treated like a criminal and what have I got now? Nothing,” confirmed Hogan, left to survive on nothing but his wits and three pensions.

*Not to be confused with the Oireachtas Golf Committee meeting in 2011 after which Hogan was forced to issue an apology for inappropriate and lewd comments directed at a woman in attendance.

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