Local Man Has Thoughts On Longitude Line-Up, Surprise Surprise

THE line-up for this year’s Longitude festival has been announced, prompting Waterford dad-of-three Eamon O’Sheagh to spring into action on social media with his usual array of thoughts, comments and general snarkiness.

The festival takes place from the 1st of July to the 3rd (during a weekend where O’Sheagh hopes it ‘pisses rain’ on everyone) at Dublin’s Marlay Park (which O’Sheagh states will make traffic a nightmare for the residents in the area, plus there’s no parking out that way to begin with, and also Dublin is ‘a shithole in general’).

O’Sheagh went on to peruse the line-up and state, for the first time since the last time he looked at the line-up of a music festival, that he ‘has never heard of any of these acts’, much to the surprise of his nine Twitter followers who had him down as a big A$AP Rocky fan.

“Doja Cat, is that a man or a woman,” stated O’Sheagh, seemingly forgetting that he tweeted that exact question last year and received a definitive answer from many, many people.

“And the price of the tickets, fuck me. I’ll tell you one thing, this is one 47-yer-old accountant who won’t be buying a weekend pass, that’s for sure. I’ll be at home falling asleep in front of the telly after three cans, and there’ll be no glitter stuck to my face either, that’s for sure”.

Despite the lack of interest from every over-40 male in the country, it seems tickets for Longitude are set to sell out, baffling many.