“Oh No, CCTV Cameras” Laughs Lad Robbing Your Gaff


LOCAL petty criminal Mal Atkinsson has admitted that he took stock of his career and reconsidered a change in lifestyle after noticing the rise in home CCTV security systems, before laughing to himself and continuing with his robbin’ ways.

“When I first saw these Ring doorbells and cheap cameras that people were getting from Aldi, I thought ‘oh fuck, maybe that’s robbery finished as a valid career'” Atkinsson told us, while taking a break from checking if car doors were locked at 2 in the morning.

“But then I remembered that there was a hood on my jumper. So I just put that up and robbed whatever I liked. Besides I’ve seen some of the footage from these cameras and it’s hilarious to think that the cops would ever identify you off them.

“Ha ha, imagine giving the guards CCTV footage of me robbing your house if they turn up at all. ‘That’s him officer, those four smudged pixels in the distance there’. Gimme a break”.

Atkinsson went on to add that laws relating to data protection have not only allowed him to work free from fear of prosecution from CCTV evidence, but that they’ve also opened up a new line of revenue.

“So if I’m robbing your house and your neighbour has CCTV of me doing it, I can sue him for a breach of my data protection and double my money for the night” laughed the 24-year-old, who now operates freely during the day.

“Costs me nothing to get a settlement from him, while I skate with a wrist-slap for robbing your place. It’s win-win, I love it”.

Current privacy laws and DPC guidance has caused frustration for many who are just looking to protect their homes with CCTV cameras, as well as several weirdos who have theirs pointing through their neighbour’s windows.