DJ Missed Fending Off Dozens Of Drunken Women Shouting ‘Play Ed Sheeran’ In His Face


WIPING A tear from his face as the emotions proved too much, after 19 long months Declan ‘DJ Dec On Decks’ Moore finally had his livelihood and all the beautiful moments that come with it back.

“Say that again?” DJ Dec shouted, leaning in towards a group of agitated women who strongly implied they’d turn violent if he didn’t play ‘Bad Habits’, a song that has already got 4 spins this evening.

“Sorry, just gimme a minute,” DJ Dec told WWN as he tried to compose himself and fight back the tears, “you have no idea what I’ve been through, I honestly wasn’t sure the day would ever come again when my DJ booth would be surrounded with D4 American-accented women slurring words and throwing insults, angry I wouldn’t take their request for a song because I was already in the middle of playing it”.

“And while my soul decayed as I played ‘Sex On Fire’ and whatever other utter shite punters wanted my heart definitely soared”.

However, the DJ said that no length of lockdown would make him grow fond of the sight of some topless lad storming the decks and mock DJ’ing to showcase what a full time mad bastard he is to his friends.

“But judging by the high volume of people’s elbows the bouncers are treating him to right now, they seem to appreciate it,” conceded DJ Dec.

Meanwhile, NPHET happily confirmed that the first case of pregnancy resulting from riding in nightclubs toilets occurred precisely 17 seconds after the doors of nightclub establishments reopened.