Nothing In Law To Stop E-Scooter Jousting Tournaments, Government Admits


NO legal action will be taken against those responsible for over a dozen deaths arising from a Waterford e-scooter jousting tournament, as there is no rule in law forbidding such activity, the government has admitted today.

The deaths, which include kids as young as 11 and as old as 15, occurred during a contest to see which e-scooter rider could smash their opponent off their mount using a 30ft sharpened pole, which remains legal due to a loophole that states e-scooters and electric bikes are neither motorbikes nor bicycles, and therefore exempt from any sort of rules.

“The rise of e-scooters and bikes has happened so fast, that there simply wasn’t time to legislate what people could and couldn’t do with them” said a spokesperson for the Department of Transport, which are currently in a battle with the Department of Children as to who actually has to look after these things.

“Are they allowed on the road? Should they be on bike lanes and footpaths? Are kids allowed ride them? Should they be taxed and insured? Is it illegal to strap a set of homemade armour on and ride an e-scooter at 40mph at an opponent while wielding a lance aimed at their heart? These aren’t exactly things Dev and the lads when they drew up the constitution, you know”.

Meanwhile parents are being urged not to buy e-scooters for very young children this Christmas, advice which will no doubt be followed to the letter.