WATERFORD woman Eileen McHardle has agreed to attend a one-day seminar on effective gossiping, following feedback from her peers about how she keeps adding in too many side notes and ancillary characters.
“I’m learning so much today” said McHardle, known for her rambling hour-long bitching sessions that frequently lose sight of what her initial gossip narrative set out to accomplish.
“Our lecturer has outlined the key elements of gossip; an introduction, backstory for people who aren’t familiar with the characters, a clear setting in terms of time and place, and a straight-line narrative that quickly brings listeners onto the best part of the gossip, which is the wild speculation”.
McHardle’s new outlook on hearsay and scandal comes as a relief to her cohort of pals, who now believe that they’ll be able to hear the start and end of each story in the limited time they have each day.
“We had to say ‘listen Eileen, we only have ten minutes outside the school waiting to pick up the kids, get to the fucking point'” said one of McHardle’s gossip pals.
“We don’t need you to add extra gossip within the first subject, we don’t need to know the history of every tertiary character, and to be honest, we don’t need the degree of accuracy you’re lending to everything. This is gossip! You don’t need everything to be fact-checked!”.
McHardle will get her first opportunity to test her new skills tomorrow, as she brings the girls up to speed on how the chap two doors up just got let go from his job, possibly for sexual impropriety, possibly for financial irregularity, who knows.
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