Successful People Who Didn’t Do Well In The Leaving Cert Share Their Advice


WITH the national newspapers full of young Leaving Cert students gloating about their results, WWN has taken the time, and a large chunk of its financial resources, to interview past pupils who didn’t make the grade but went on to succeed regardless.

Michael Fassbender

“As long as you’ve got a huge throbbing member, the world is your Oyster… except if of course you’re a woman. I guess then it’s big tits for them, right?”

Joseph Kony

“When I got just 95 points in the Leaving Cert I was furious at the Irish school system. Fellow students laughed and jeered at me, so I left for a new start in Uganda. Now I take students hostage for a living and have never looked back. Always believe in yourself”.

Professor Luke O’Neill 

I only received 750 points in the Leaving Cert and didn’t get the course I wanted. I decided to just go for my second choice of biochemistry in Trinity. I hated every single moment of my career, but look at me now; famous, miserible yet immensly wealthy, motherfuckers!

The Monk

“Don’t mind that aul’ exam crap, I didn’t even finish bleedin’ school and look at me now, wha’?”

Jim Corr

“The Leaving Cert is designed to keep idiots in line with the currupt agenda of the Military Industrail Complex and their new world order. If I had my way, school teachers and books would be replaced by a TV streaming alternative YouTube documentaries in a blacked out room laced with lead paint to protect children from 5G radiation.”

Shane MacGowan

“Arghhhough am erghhhh my bashhhing is marrrgh”

Minister for Education Norma Foley

“Fuck school”

Michael Flatley

“Aw begora to be sure to be sure. I remember me father Michael senior always saying to me, ‘Michael, me boyo, if you don’t pass the Leaving, you can always dance with the ladies. But just remember; it’s up here for thinking and down there for dancing’. At the time I thought he was pointing to his legs for the dancing part, which I took literally.”

The Cliffs of Moher

“My teachers said I’d amount to nothing, but then after a few hundred million years of geological this and that, I got into tourism and never looked back”.

Simon Coveney

“I actually deleted my Leaving Cert results to make space… because I was hacked… something like that anyway”.