“She Can’t Take Any More!” Engineers Fear Varadkar Spin Machine Reaching Critical Point

“FOR the love of God, someone tell him to go easy on the pop culture references and the made-up ‘man on the street’ tales, this thing is gonna blow if he keeps pushing it this hard” screamed a PR engineer working in the bowels of Leinster House, trying to keep Leo Varadkar’s spin machine running as the Táiniste ‘went on one’.

“We’ve got Merriongate spin, the new housing bill spin, we’ve got Covid spin. We can’t be expected to keep everything running at 100%. Leo, for the love of Christ, don’t go on another radio show to claim this is all Sinn Féin’s fault for an hour, we need the time to cool down!”.

[UPDATE] While attempting to clarify the situation surrounding the appointment of Katherine Zappone, Varadkar’s spin machine finally popped a vital sprocket and shuddered to a halt.

“He’s on his own up there now” said one PR expert as a ghoulish silence fell on the bullshit boiler.

“May God be with our jobs”.

[UPDATE 2] Undeterred by the lack of a PR machine behind him, Varadkar has somehow still managed to rank highly in the latest leadership approval polls, with over 50% of the electorate satisfied with how he gets things done.

“He didn’t need us all along! He could do it all himself!” sobbed an emotional spin team leader.

“Hurrah for Leo! Surely a worthy contender for the title of Teflon Táiniste. He is the one”.

Varadkar concluded the day by sternly admonishing Sinn Féin for putting such unnecessary strain on his poor, poor spin team.