Everything You Need To Know About The ‘Housing For All’ Plan

THE GOVERNMENT unveiled its masterplan for housing yesterday under the name ‘Housing For All’. What are its aims? How does it expect to achieve them? And can they deliver?

Read on for a full breakdown of what you need to know about the Housing For All plan:

With the plan running until 2030, the government is pinning all its hopes on you having completely forgotten about it and all the targets they have set by the time 2030 rolls around.

With a target of 300,000 homes by 2030 serial objectors of planning permission applications have been told to ring their doctor if their erection doesn’t subside after 6 hours.

Developers seems pretty happy about the plan which can’t be a good sign.

€25 from the Housing For All budget has been set aside to get Minister for Housing Darragh O’Brien a proper haircut.

Much different to Fine Gael’s ‘Rebuilding Ireland’ plan, Housing For All will require a completely new way of cooking the books so as to make it look like targets are being met when they fall woefully short.

The plan sets in place a huge emphasis on the need for government departments to come together and share resources and information as part of a new working group, which will ensure a sharp increase in petty sabotage and infighting among senior civil servants.

Investment funds have been reassured that they will still be allowed buy the affordable housing units the government funds and then rent them back to local councils for 25 years before continuing to own the properties after that point.

With an annual investment of €4 billion, the nation is already vomiting at the thought of all the money that will be wasted instead of actually producing homes.

Half of the yearly target of 33,000 houses will not come from the government but from the private market, and since they have absolutely no control over how many units the private market builds it sort of gets you to thinking that maybe the targets they’re setting are utterly meaningless and unachievable.

Dermot Bannon has been given permission to build at least one social housing unit made entirely out of massive windows.

With just shy of 500,000 adults living at home with their parents, the vast majority have been told by the government to just accept it.

The government also indicated that they wouldn’t have to build 300,000 units if you young people just emigrated.

There is no mention of Mica redress in the plan as the government only has €20 billion to spare on this plan, sorry.

The government remain committed to ensuring that prices of homes and land do not suffer and have not ruled out scaling the roof of Leinster House, putting a gun to housing prices’ head and saying ‘don’t think we won’t do it, we’re crazy man’ if Sinn Féin get into power.

Government has formally written to the Oxford Dictionary appealing to them to change the definition of affordable to ‘about €500,000 grand give or take’.