EXPERIENCING unbearably hot and humid weather? We consulted experts and readers to produce the essential guide on how to keep cool at all times:
It goes without saying that wearing sunscreen is important. Wear factor 50 or if you only have factor 10, grab a marker and change the ‘1’ on the bottle to a ‘5’.
Hydration is key – drink the contents of Poulaphouca dam. Remember, alcohol dehydrates you – so drink more to compensate for this. Bulmers with ice: it’s practically what marathon runners drink.
If everyone brings their fridge outside and opens the freezer drawers we can reduce the temperature. That reader tip came in from Danny and Michael from Kerry, thanks lads.
Chill your spine by remembering that this heatwave is a result of the climate change that will kill your grandchildren
Keep at least 10-15 ice cubes in your underwear at all times.
Your under-21 GAA shorts may not fit you anymore, but don’t let that stop you. Disturbingly short yes, but perfect for ventilation purposes.
Block out the sun with a giant satellite dish or with the nearest large headed child.
Going for a walk? Place a large fan on a skateboard which is tied to your waist and pull it behind to keep yourself cool at all times.
Don’t have a plug in fan? Make one out of paper at home, the thicker the the fan the better, if you don’t have a newspaper or magazine maybe there’s a large mountain of research papers on how extreme weather events will end up slowly boiling us like a lobster in a pot, use that.
Keep your revolting sin-drenched flesh covered at all times but to combat sweat, change your clothes every 15 minutes.
A reader submission making use an old Irish mammy trick – stick a hot water bottle in the freezer and then swallow it whole. Thanks for that one Fidelma.
If your skin is the same colour as a flamingo, attend the local burns unit.
If traveling in a car listen to Foreigner’s ‘Cold as Ice’ on repeat. Yes, AC on AND windows open at the same time.
Sandals and socks: the only way forward.
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