Government Under Delusion Pubs Will Police Vaccine Certs

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THE IRISH Government is expected to sign off plans which could see indoor hospitality reopened to fully vaccinated people as part of the delusionary belief that pubs and restaurants will enforce the use of the EU Digital Green Certificate, WWN has learned.

Unaware of its own ridiculousness, the government will seek to pass the legislation needed to make the system legal through the Dáil and the Seanad, before it can come into effect and start being ignored by just about everyone they expect to enforce it.

“Yeah, sure we’ll check every single customer to see if they’re vaccinated or not,” said local bar owner James Murphy, his eye winking frantically in a stroke-like manner, “I’ll get my young unvaccinated floor staff to check them as soon as they come in the door, right after we screen them for rabies, STDs and TB too”.

Defending their decision, after a series of planning failures by government, to divide and segregate vaccinated people and non-vaccinated people in some sort of Orwellian social experiment to see how far they can take it, Minister for Health Stephen Donnely said he backs NPHET’s advice.

“We were initially going to hire sheepdog farmers to round up all the vaccinated people and force them into pubs, but NPHET said that sheepdogs couldn’t wear masks so posed a danger, but I think this vaccination cert is the perfect solution to the reopening strategy problem we created,” insisted Donnelly.

Meanwhile, the rest of the world has said fair play to the Irish people for being so obedient, it is really admirable.

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