Not Best Time For This But We Also Need Next Weekend Off, States NPHET

MERE hours after issuing dire warnings about the transmissibility of the Delta variant and strongly recommending that the government delay the re-opening of indoor hospitality, the National Public Health Emergency Team has gone to the Taoiseach to let him know that they’re not in next weekend, WWN can report.

“I could have sworn we put in for this ages ago, no?” chanced Chief Medical Officer Tony Holohan, after Taoiseach Micheál Martin asked if he was serious or not.

“No? Well, we’re off anyway, sorry about that. We’ve got a thing and honestly, we can’t miss it. No, we don’t have to tell you what it is. Anyways, take care. We’re sure you’ll be grand without us for one weekend, just do the last thing we told you and you’ll be fine”.

Although the Taoiseach wearily granted NPHET the weekend off even if it does come at the worst possible time, sources close to the government have stated that patience with the team is growing thinner by the day.

“They hit us with absolute last-minute recommendations to keep the hospitality industry shut after we ignored the Delta variant for months, they never bring biscuits to a meeting… we’ve had it up to here,” fumed a source close to the government.

“I’ll tell you one thing, there’s no other crowd that would get away with it, that’s for sure. Some departments couldn’t get the day off for a funeral, let alone a whole weekend off at the drop of a hat”.

Meanwhile, NPHET have responded to criticisms with a tweet simply reading ‘Y’all hate us cos u ain’t us’, along with the hashtag #YOLIYLTU, standing for ‘you only live if you listen to us’.