TRYING to nip any talk of a 4-day working week from employees in the bud after news of government support for a pilot scheme, the boss at Hartigan Business Solutions has confirmed he would rather see his elderly parents make their way through the Kama Sutra than submit to such a thing.
“I’m onto these workshy pricks, first it was these ‘I want to work from home/ not die from Covid for this shit company’, now this” said boss Gary Madigan, of a workforce that excels despite his presence.
“I’d honestly rather sit, Clockwork Orange style, watching my auld lad horse it into my mother than entertain the idea that some sort of work life balance is important or beneficial,” confirmed Madigan.
“I’m old school, I’m all about forcing people into claustrophobic cubicles bathed in artificial life for 40 years before they drop dead having lived a life full of regrets. But the young lads in here sleep on the floor if there was work in the bed,” added Madigan, who sees himself a bit of a Jeff Bezos type if he’s being humble.
Already vowing to be refuse reading up on any research which lays out the possible benefits a 4-day work week can have on productivity and morale, Madigan remains resistant to all related talk.
“Honestly, if you told I had to do the DVD commentary on the auld pair’s sextape or entertain the notion of reducing hours around here, I’d go full Steven Spielberg on the 30 minute sex swing scene. Fuck it, I’d film the thing myself” added Madigan, who let everyone employee know a 4-day week would involve 40% paycuts.
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