Table Service In Pub Not Affording Man Much Opportunity To Dodge Round

THE summer is here and the pubs are finally back open; but the new rules surrounding outdoor dining have left it very difficult for notorious Waterford round-dodger Eric McSalle to coast through a night without putting his hand in his pocket.

Famed for his patented ‘hang on I have to take a call, back in a minute’ excuse to duck out of a pub for five minutes when it was his turn to get them in, McSalle has found that the ‘new normal’ of having drink carried to you and then settling up later has almost zero wriggle room for shenanigans.

“If there’s a way to get out of splitting a bill five ways at the end of the night, I’ve yet to find it” lamented McSalle, who quite frankly cannot believe the price of drink these days.

“Years of honing my craft, down the drain. I took up smoking to help dodge rounds. I’ve fabricated girlfriends, work emergencies and family crises. I once instigated a fight with a gang of rugby players just so we’d get thrown out of the pub we were in, and when we moved on to the next place I ‘conveniently forgot’ that it was my round. But now, it’s all tallied up at the end and me and the lads split it evenly. I’m crestfallen”.

McSalle’s pals meanwhile are said to be ‘not thankful for, but also not mad at’ the Coronavirus pandemic that lead to an end of 20 years of their friend’s miserable ways.