Irish Scientist Discovers Super Massive Black Hole Where Ex’s Heart Should Be

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A LEADING Irish astrophysicists is be heralded in the scientific community after concluding a lengthy study in the make up of their ex’s black hole of a heart, WWN can confirm.

“I knew somewhat to expect when I began the study, but the vastness of the chasm is beyond comprehension,” confirmed Dr Niamh Whelan of the study she conducted into once long term partner, Ian Cahill.

“At the event horizon of this particular black hole I can confirm time slowed; years seemed to crawl by with the promise of engagement, marriage and kids but as I ventured further in the subject distorted time itself with claims such as ‘I never promised anything’, ‘when did I say I wanted kids?'”

“When a star dies it collapses inwards, but what’s curious about that bastard Ian who wasted years of my life stringing me along is that he had no heart to collapse and yet he still pulls everything in his path into his gravitational pull, destroying it,” Dr Whelan said now grabbing tightly onto her 12,000 page report.

“And herein lies the wonderful paradoxical nature of black holes. Ian’s, super massive in nature, proffers that their must have been a heart there, but as anyone who found him in bed that day with my best friend can attest, the bastard never had one,” continued Dr Whelan, in a study that has utterly changed how the scientific community grapples with bastards.

The Wicklow astrophysicist says that while the creation of black holes can often be full of wondrous beauty, Ian’s black hole where his heart should be is a hideous destructive sight that Dr Whelan would warn anyone from looking into any further.

“Sure, the novelty of seeing a black hole on Bumble or Tinder will intrigue you at first but don’t fall for it”.

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