“Oh God, International Media Are Covering It Now” Government Finally Panics Over Mica Homes

THE IRISH government is set to finally act on the long standing deficiencies in the mica redress scheme which has been displaying damaging cracks for some time, due in no small part to the international media picking up on the story.

“The affected families holding a mickey mouse protest? We can laugh that off behind their backs and just delay, delay, delay. But the BBC, Sky News and others covering it? They’re the big boy news, my mates in the EU watch that,” confirmed one government spokesperson.

“See, we can easily turn the idiot public against the 5,700 desperate homeowners by saying stuff like ‘but the repair scheme will cost over billion’, and just like that they’ll tell mica affected families to pay out of their own pocket and fuck off,” offered the spokesperson.

“But when Micheál and Leo get WhatsApp messages on the world leaders group chat saying ‘saw how you failed those families forced to live in disintegrating breadcrumb houses on my news’, they get some slagging”.

The embarrassment is rumoured to be so profound that the government can’t make the problem go away by making public ‘we’ll do everything we can to help’ statements before ignoring all calls and emails from mica affected home owners.

Elsewhere, people inquiring why there isn’t robust protections and laws which would hold developers liable or facing prison for such negligence where reminded to consult a map of the world, find Ireland on it and remember what country you live in.