How Does Baby Lilibet’s Placenta Stack Up Against Other Royals?

THE newly-born daughter of the on-again-off-again royals, the Duke & Duchess of Sussex, continues to rack up critics from both inside and outside Buckinghman Palace following reports that baby Lilibet’s placenta ‘wasn’t up to the royal standards’.

In a 4-page Daily Mail article titled ‘Aftergirth; Lil’s Placenta papped looking a bit tubby’, experts have suggested that the umbilical cord that connected the newborn to her mum Meghan was merely ‘adequate’, and that new dad Harry needed to take a leaf out of his brother William’s book if he wanted to up his foetal membrane game.

“The question now becomes; do we want these people in the Royal Family, if this is the kind of thing they’re coming out with” tutted one Royal correspondent, author of previous pieces such as ‘Meghan At Nine Months; Should She Be This Fat?” and “Kate Middleton Glows Like A Vision Of Motherhood Just One Day Before Giving Birth To The Most Beautiful Angel This Nation Has Ever Seen’.

Meanwhile, Lilibet has also been criticised for:

•  Her name; meant to be an homage to the Queen herself but considered by many fully grown adults to be ‘a bit try hard’.
• Her poor ‘latch’ while breastfeeding, although many are attributing that failing to her mum’s ‘less than curvy’ figure.
• Her lack of interviews. To date, Lilibet hasn’t responded to a single email from a journalist, damning her to a lifetime of being referred to as ‘a snobby bitch’.
• Her constant need for attention, again attributed to her mum, and indeed ‘that whole side of the family’.