McDonald Promises To Treat Sinn Féin To Takeaway Tonight After Receiving £800,000 Donation


LOGGING into Sinn Féin’s banking app for a 50th time in the last hour just to stare at the bulging current balance one more time, party leader Mary Lou McDonald has promised members a Friday takeaway after receiving an £800,000 donation.

The latest in a series of donations from a deceased English mechanic Billy Hampton which now totals £3 million, Ireland’s largest opposition party is not in the mood for cooking, not when it’s so nice out either.

“Ah for f-” McDonald muttered after Pearse Doherty, who was first with his hand up when asked who wants pizza, suddenly changed his mind and was now asking for a Chinese.

“I’m not driving to 12 different takeaways Pearse, by the time I pick them all up they’ll all be cold. C’mon now,” McDonald said, beginning to regret suggesting takeaway as she frantically scribbled down everyone’s orders.

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that,” offered McDonald when one party member casually suggested using a food delivery app that has a shocking record when it comes to its employees.

“No, no fizzy drinks we’ve Mi Wadi in the fridge,” McDonald told Dublin Bay South byelection candidate Lynn Boylan.

“Ah here, I asked was that everyone’s final order,” snapped McDonald when she was interrupted by Matt Carty with an order change while the leader was in the middle of placing an order on the phone with Ireland’s only Republican themed Italian takeaway RA-tatouille.

Sinn Féin went on to warn supporters that pathetic political rivals may try to convince the public that the party’s use of UK law to avoid scrutiny from Ireland’s Standards In Public Office body is in some way a hugely cynical and hypocritical move.