What Your Life Would Look Like Now If Coronavirus Hadn’t Fucked Everything Up

A DISRUPTION to modern life the likes of which we’ve never seen before and may never see again, many people have been left to rue the stolen experiences and missed opportunities that have come about as a result of Covid-19, even as society crawls slowly back to some sense of normality.

Here’s just a small sample of how different your life would look like had it not been for the airborne disease:

The slow erosion of your liver would be at a much more advanced stage

Covid-19 has few things in the ‘plus column’ going for it, but undoubtedly your reduced access to pubs, clubs, house parties and out of control afters of christenings has meant your liver will now forcibly eject itself from your body in a bid to save itself a full year later than previous estimates.

You’d resent the government for many different reasons

Oh boy do they boil your piss now, but there’s no doubting were it not for Covid-19 you’d be fucking livid with them for a raft of different cock ups, not just housing.

You wouldn’t be so keen on seeing friends and family

You’ve been denied the right to take those closest to you for granted. If things were different you’d be sick of the mere sight of some of your most treasured friends and family. Not now though thanks to that bastarding pandemic, you get all misty-eyed about them, even that complete dose Sharon.

World travel

Once in a lifetime, life-altering trips that can only be achieved when face down in your own vomit at 4am after falling out of some club in Ibiza would have been so routine and common place.

The conversations you’d have

Your social skills wouldn’t have degraded to the point where you’re like a paranoid hermit who thinks their body will explode if someone engages in conversation with you. Next to you an introvert looks like Jedward on a Redbull binge.

Fitness

Okay, sure we’re willing to share the lie with you – you’d totally be at the peak of your fitness powers were it not for the fact the gym, which you’re not a member of, is closed.