Government Ease Restrictions Weeks After Public


CONTINUING their commitment to being weeks if not months behind every expert and average person when it comes to taking necessary action on Covid related matters, the government have today eased a number of Level 5 restrictions much to the delight of sections of the public who did the same weeks ago.

“Yeah I even put a podium in my front garden and made an address to the media like Micheál and Leo,” explained father-of-three Brendan Mallon, who had been taking his kids to the beach despite it being 12km from his home for the last 6 weeks.

“It was that or go mad doing loops of the estate,” added Mallon, who hoped the government would catch up with the public’s position, some time in the next decade, on updating HSE IT systems, contact tracing and keeping headless chickens away from the vaccine rollout.

A government spokesperson confirmed to the public that from today you can travel anywhere within your county and two households can meet outdoors but not to do so in a boxing club as that’s strictly ‘Taoiseach territory’.

“Oh way ahead of you pal, you’re gonna love Level Do What Ya Like On The Sly,” confirmed the public, who would have gone feral long ago was it not for making the announcement they were ending Level 5 themselves, weeks before the government.

Elsewhere, the section of the public that has stringently adhered to restrictions have today emerged from their caves hissing suspiciously at the sun.