Hard To Begrudge The Collison Brothers’ Success, But We’ll Give It A Go


MANY Irish people have given up trying to downplay the success of the Limerick-born Collison brothers and their rampant, runaway digital empire now worth $95bn, but many more have yet to throw in the towel and are more than willing to keep flying the flag of begrudgery for another while.

“They’ll never invest any of it back into Ireland, that’s for sure” griped one hardened Irish backbiter, before reading that the brothers are to create over 1,000 well-paying jobs in Ireland after raising $600m in investments and rowing back on his statement.

“Sure we could all be billionaires if our rich parents had given us a big start” groused another, before learning that Patrick and John are from a modest background and have achieved their success through hard work and shrewd business.

“If you think we can’t turn on the Collison brothers, then you obviously weren’t around when we turned on Sonia O’Sullivan” insisted Dr. Mark Carolaghan, spokesperson for the Irish Begrudgery Association.

“Sure, the boys seem to be very grounded, diligent, hard-working, and successful; but for some strange reason, everyone in Ireland kinda likes them? It’s a departure from the natural order of things and we here at the IBA aren’t overly happy with it. What’s next, will people just suddenly start liking Bono? Or Sinead O’Connor? Or Ryan Tubridy? No, We’ll find something to hate about these Collison lads, and if we can’t find something we’ll just make something up instead”.

Meanwhile, WWN would like to inform the Collison brothers that this publication always liked them, and that they can let us know if they need help with anything, anything at all.