Helen McEntee To Take Six Month Break From Listening To Whingeing, Crying & Arse Wiping


MINISTER For Justice Helen McEntee has expressed how much she’s looking forward to ‘a break from all the hassle, noise, poop-throwing, and constant attention-seeking’ that she endures on a daily basis in the Dáil, as she prepares herself for six months of the comparative bliss of maternity leave.

The FG minister’s maternity leave comes following long and difficult bouts of ‘what do we do now?’ from the government, as apparently this is the first time in the history of the state that the issue of a TD needing to take a break due to the birth of their baby has come up.

“You would have thought we’d be better prepared in 2021 for how to deal with women in politics, but here we are” shrugged the Taoiseach, quick to point out that it wasn’t one of his Fianna Fail TDs that was causing all this fuss.

Meanwhile, a spokesperson for McEntee has hinted that the minister from Meath is welcoming not only the arrival of her first child, but also an opportunity to not have to wipe someone’s arse for six months.

“Amazingly, this is the first time we’ll be able to answer the question ‘what is more painful; being part of a FF/FG coalition government, or childbirth'” said an aide to McEntee, as a meeting was hastily called to work out what the hell the government are supposed to do now.

The issue is said to have all ruling political parties in Ireland on a knife-edge, as they decide whether to overhaul the constitution to allow TDs to take maternity and paternity leave, or just steer clear of women politicians of childbearing age from now on.