What You Didn’t Know About The Healy Raes

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FOLLOWING Labour TD Duncan Smith taking Michael and Danny Healy Rae to task in the Dáil over conducting themselves as champions of the working man while raking in the cash from their various business ventures, there is renewed interest in the Kerry based political dynasty.

WWN has all you need to know:

Despite projecting an image of simple God-honest country folk barely getting by, the Healy Raes own a number of lucrative businesses as well as the Kerry University Of Healy Rae, The Saint Healy Rae Hospital, the N71, and the 60,000 seater Healy Rae Arena.

Both Eton educated and alumni of Oxford University in England, Danny and Micheal regularly placed first and second in the International Elocution Championships.

Micheal Healy Rae owns as many as 21 properties and rents many of them out, and his companies earned an estimated €8 from state contracts over an eighteen year period, just like you, a fellow man or woman of the people.

Danny is believed to be the only person to suffer from a voluntary speech impediment which makes him sound like he is trying to talk while being force fed stew at all times.

A Labour TD having a go at the Healy Raes marks the first time Labour made the news since decimating the country through austerity.

As much as one third of Kerry is covered in Healy Rae election posters at any given time.

No one in Kerry understands them either.

The brothers’ old, creased looking suits are tailor made to look worn, weathered and cheap by Savile Row tailors Huntsman and Son coming in at €5,000 a pop.

Danny Healy Rae emerged from the womb shouting “Ceann Comhairle!!! I demand the Deputy from Dublin take back his remarks about the good people of Kerry!”

Permission to die in Kerry is delayed if one of the Healy Rae brothers cannot attend a funeral on a certain date.

While it has been the focus of considerable speculation, it has never been confirmed why Michael never takes off his flat cap. Rumours as to the reason behind this include; to hide his ‘suspiciously Dublin looking’ head, he’s a mad Peaky Blinders fan, or it was glued onto his head shortly after birth.

The Healy Raes are believed to be the only TDs in the history of the Dáil to benefit from people voting for a TD out of their own self interest.

Always given a hard time by the Dublin media, sniping journalists went out of their way to accurately report that Michael Healy Rae’s sons were given suspended sentences for assaulting an English tourist.

Yup, they’re getting in again come next election.

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