All The Excuses That Can Get You To The Top Of The Vaccine Queue


AS THE initial rollout of the Covid-19 vaccination is criticsed for its slow pace, and young and health people face the prospect of not receiving a jab until the end of the year at the earliest if the current pace is maintained, many are considering ways in which they can skip the lengthy queue.

OK, is it morally reprehensible? Yes, but at this rate you won’t be able to get to Ibiza for the summer if the airlines insist on a ‘Covid passport’.

Make up a number of fake ailments and conditions; nurses, doctors and pharmacists will be too busy, worked to the bone and stressed to double check if they’re real or not. Why not say you have:

FOMOitis, acute session withdrawal syndrome, chronic Ijustwantmylifeback syndrome, specific localised memory loss relating to being unable to recall the last time I got the ride, severe lockdown allegry, cognitive this is unfairment.

Alter your birth cert so it says you were born in 1874. Boom, next in line.

Just keep asking the person in the queue in front of you if you can skip them. Say you parked the car on double yellows or you’ve to get back home asap ‘cus you left the stove on. Repeat until you’re top of the queue.

Kindly help your elderly or infirm relative or neighbour to their vaccine appointment and as the needle is about to be plunged in their arms lunge forward with your bare arm and steal the jab.

If the ludicrous suggestion that inter-county GAA players should be among the first to get it it may be time to get practicing your puck outs.

Be directly related to a TD or be wealthy. Let’s face it, these things will come into play at some point.

Retrain as a nurse or a doctor. The projected wait time some young and healthy people face is such that spending 8 years becoming a doctor so you jump to the top of the queue as a frontline healthcare worker makes perfect sense.