IRELAND’S coronavirus crisis has reached the point where even the hardest of chaws are having second thoughts about walking into a supermarket without a mask, a worrying new report has shown.
Whereas tough nuts and hard bastards saw ‘no problems’ with flaunting regulations during the 2020 phase of the pandemic, worryingly high new daily figures are leading to a fall in statements such as ‘it’s all a cod’ and ‘ah would you quit being such a woman’, as ‘real men’ begin to worry about what might happen if they themselves contract the deadly disease.
“When it was only a couple of hundred cases every day, you could say ‘oh it’s only a couple of hundred cases every day’- you can’t say that when it’s thousands every day” said one hard fucker we talked to, putting his foundation maths skills to use for the first time in decades.
“I was able to not only ignore this whole thing for a year, but to openly mock it, too. I’m not sure that’s feasible right now. In fact, I’m starting to think that there’s a chance that even someone like me, a fit and healthy man, might be susceptible to it. Chilling”.
Meanwhile, the realisation of how serious the pandemic is has sent thousands of other naysayers, pooh-poohers, deniers and scoffers running for masks and hand-sanitiser, placing strain on the patience of people who have been considerate towards others all this time.
“It goes blue side out, you fucking moron” one old lady was heard to say to a first-time mask wearer in Tesco today.